Star Wars Month: Marathon Musings Part 1

By Hannah


Courtney and I decided to watch all the Star Wars movies in chronological order.  At first we were going to try to do it in one sitting, but that’s 17 hours and 40 minutes worth of movies.  Not including snack, stretch, and pee breaks.  Way too long.  We watched episode 1, 2, 3, and Rogue One for today’s marathon.

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Episode 1: The Phantom Menace

A.k.a. The Abomination Known As Jar Jar Binks

A.k.a. Darth Maul Should Have Been A Bigger Deal

A.k.a. Why Did You Ruin Yoda?  He Was Awesome, Now He’s Kind Of A Jerk.

A.K.A. You Shouldn’t CGI Everything!

Hannah: I love the way this movie looks.  The background, the costumes, the props, all perfect.  That’s it.  Everything else is just painful.  The only characters with any chemistry are Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan.  Anakin is a two dimensional wonderboy and everybody was over acting.

Courtney: This movie is my least favorite of all the Star Wars movies, but I tolerate it because it’s a necessary evil and Padme’s clothes are amazing. I know that the point is that you’re supposed to feel sympathy for baby Darth Vader, but I never feel any; he just irritates the shit out of me.

Hannah:  They were trying to play up the Chosen One aspect too hard.  First, everything the kid does has a “Look what I can do” vibe, then everyone keeps praising him for how kind and pure he is.  Finally, he doesn’t have a dad, just the midichlorians.  Why all the craziness?  He may be the future Original Dark Lord, but he still puts his pants on one leg at a time.

Courtney: This is actually something that still bothers me that I’m hoping will get cleared up in 8. The whole chosen one prophecy crap, they started talking about it in movie 1 and it’s been 8 movies and I still don’t think we’ve found the person they’re talking about. And don’t tell me it’s Luke, cause Luke sucks.

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Episode 2: Attack Of The Clones

A.K.A. What’s With The Stupid Padawan Hairstyle

A.K.A. What kind of place elects a teenager to be queen?

A.K.A. Whiny Douche Canoe Anakin Skywalker

A.K.A. Padme Could And Would Do Better

A.K.A. Wow The Jedi Council Really Sucks

Hannah:  Once again, the visuals of this movie are on point.  Padme wears some of the best outfits ever and the scenery looks both out of this world and realistic.  It’s eye candy, pure and simple.  Unfortunately the movie throws the equivalent of Twizzlers(my least favorite candy) into the mix with all the horrible acting, bad chemistry, and ,”m’ladying.”  Every time Anakin interacts with Padme, she cringes.  Their first kiss, he awkwardly rubs her shoulder and the look on her face is shouting “Creeper! Creeper! Creeper!”

Courtney: I like this movie marginally better than the first one. I like it more because we slowly start to see why Anakin would consider the dark side. However I do agree with Hannah, about the Twizzlers and Anakin. Anakin is my least favorite main character at this point, it’s a lot of him pouting about how people don’t have more faith in him, when at this point, we’ve never seen a reason why anyone should have more faith in him.

Hannah:  It reminds me of the fan theory that Anakin was using the force to manipulate Padme into being in a relationship with him.  It explains so much, because he is so creepy.  He’s like one of those guys who tells you to smile all the time and then blames you for not wanting to jump into bed with him.  Padme is a former queen at this point.  She has had to deal with his kind before, but she just smiles and goes along with it.

Courtney: I agree with you. I think teenage Anakin is worse than child Anakin. And I really can’t stand child Anakin.

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Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith

A.K.A. We Skipped This One

Hannah: My reason for skipping this movie is that even though it’s probably the best of the prequels, I really don’t like watching whiny baby Anakin get played by the most easily see throughable manipulation attempt ever.  I also hate watching Padme go from a kickass senator, leader of her people, to a woman who spends the entire movie asking why her husband is so mean to her.

Courtney: This one is important, but I’d kind of had all the bad acting I could take for one day. I also get frustrated at this point because the movies failed at what they were supposed to do. The whole point of the beginning trilogy is to make you understand why Darth Vader is the way he is, why he made those choices and by the end of the movies, I don’t care. The television show Clone Wars, (which should be watched between episodes 2 and 3) accomplishes what the movies were supposed to, and they give you a variety of characters to root for.

Hannah:  Courtney mentioned, during the marathon, that one of the reasons that episodes 1-3 are so difficult, is because there is no one to root for.  I’ve got to agree with that assessment  We went in knowing that little boy wonder Anakin Skywalker was going to become big bad Darth Vader.  We know that Luke and Leia were separated at birth, so either their mother dies, or she abandons one of them in order to raise the other, so Padme is hard to root for.  We know that Obi-Wan becomes an obnoxious lying force ghost and Jar Jar is an abomination.  Maybe if we hadn’t known that Ani would become Darthy, we would have had an easier time liking him…

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Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

A.K.A. Finally Putting The War In Star Wars

A.K.A. Not Just Another Good Versus Evil Story

A.K.A. Finally We Get To Know Why People Were Rebelling Pre-Alderaan

A.K.A. WHY?????

Hannah: This is my first time watching Rogue One.  I knew the ending ahead of time (After one month out, I no longer care about spoilers, because I like talking with people about stuff like this) but I didn’t know how it was going to affect me.  Watching as my lovable misfits died one after another, chasing hope for the future, was heartbreaking.  

Courtney: I’d seen this movie a few times and was doing my best not to spoil anything more for Hannah. Rogue One is my favorite Star Wars movie, even though it makes me cry everytime I watch it. I like it because it sinks home that this is a war and there are losses. Rogue One also makes the back trilogy that much more impactful because now we have seen the loss and what it took to get the plans for the death star. Honestly, the first half of the movies are the roughest which is weird when you consider that the back half was filmed 40 years ago and it still kicks 1-3s ass.

Hannah:  I think this movie is important for two reasons.  One, because it shows how the common people have been dealing with the after effects of all the epic quests that the other movie’s characters have been going through.  The other movies all feature royalty, rogues, the chosen ones, lovable sidekicks, etc.  They never feature the innocent bystanders, the spies, the ground soldiers, or stormtroopers who can hit stuff.  Two, because it showed that death is important and permanent.  This is going to sound callous, but in the first movies, anyone important who died, usually came back as a Force Ghost.  At least for those with on screen deaths.

We got through the hard part of a Star Wars marathon.  All four movies are a little over 9 hours.  We saved ourselves over two hours of torture by skipping Revenge of the Sith.  Look forward to the Star Wars Marathon Part 2.

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